Why I Lived a Lie

I was told by my father that I had been set up with Tony when we were kids. I can’t remember if he said my grandmother had gotten me set up or if it was my father and Cathy. Cathy and my father were getting divorced and Cathy especially felt it was my fault and blamed me for the divorce. However, my father has stated time and time again that the problems between Cathy and my father were the result of things that Cathy had actually done like poisoning him, not working, running up high phone bills and sabotaging his business.

Wesley Victors is Anthony Victors father, right before I met Anthony the Victors family owned a dog and they went to Hilltop Animal Hospital where my Grandmothers sister Dora worked. This is how my father and Cathy came into contact with Wesley Victors. My father told me that I had been set up. Tony had been told to go to school and ask me to go out with him. At this point it was April of 1992 and my father and I were residing at my grandmothers house where Tony had been calling me and visiting me as we had started dating.

That summer my father gave me the job of finding us a place to live in or around Palos Hills so that I could stay in Stagg High School. Since, Tony and I had been dating and I really cared about him I didn’t want to switch schools plus I had just gotten adjusted and had started making some friends. I had already been in three different high-schools and it was only the beginning of my sophomore year. It really bothered me that I had to change schools so much as I myself knew it was not good and creating gaps in my education. Further, I had lived in and grew up in Chicago up until 8th Grade and didn’t want to deal with the Gangs at Kennedy. I told my father if he made me go to Kennedy High-school, I would ditch school every day until they kicked me out and there wouldn’t be anything he could do about it. I asked him to keep me in Stagg. Since Stagg was a good school and he had already experienced my stubbornness and didn’t want me to become a behavior problem because I had already demonstrated how rebellious I could be he gave me permission to get an apartment within district limits.

Tony and I had problems from the beginning, and he cheated a lot. What needs to be understood is this:

  • At some point my father or grandmother took Tony to the side and put him up to poisoning me.
  • My father also instructed Tony to do whatever it took for us to stay together. If that meant giving me my way all the time, or giving in to arguments. Lieing, manipulating, whatever he had to to keep us together as a couple. Which he did.

At the same time, my father sometimes made derogatory remarks about Tony, and did his part in using reverse psychology and manipulation on his end to try to help ensure I stayed with Tony. In fact, during my senior year in High-school Tony pretty much lived with me and my father did absolutely nothing about it and our “sex talk” consisted of “If your doing it, cut it out”.

At some point my senior year Dan Garret who was a friend of Tony’s and I came to see me. When he came to see me I had been looking at Colleges all over the country. I had been considering going to live with my mother in Las Vegas, because they had a great art school and since my mom had lived there for four years I could of gone to school and studied art for free. The problem was, my father made me feel guilty for leaving and so did Tony.

I had gotten accepted into the American Academy of Art, I had worked extremely hard in High-School to become an artist and that was my dream. My father was completely against it, he wanted me to be a Lawyer or a Doctor. Mostly, he wanted me to become a Lawyer and yelled at me often about it.

It was also during this time that my father had attempted to get a job as correction officer and did not get the job. He told me on the phone that he thought it was because, had failed the lie detector test when they asked him if he had ever killed anyone.

When he came into my room he sat down and told me that he had wanted to be with me. He also told me my father was a serial killer, I think this was the day that I found the dead body in the laundry room of my apartment building. That event caused psychogenic amnesia and I believe that it was done for two reasons, one of which was to prevent me from remembering the conversation with Dan so I wouldn’t break up with Tony and I could keep getting poisoned. Also, I think it was done to show me that my father was a serial killer. This was the same night in which Tony’s father, Wesley Victors had attempted to sexually assault me in his laundry room and his wife Barbra walked in and stopped him.

After high school, and once my father and I had returned to my grandmother’s house I was 18, I wasn’t allowed to go to the American Academy of Art as my father had refused to sign the loan papers. I was going to school at Moraine Valley Community College, at first I chose addictions studies, however they teach that addiction is a disease and I believe and was taught it was a choice.

Apparently, my father put Tony up to getting me pregnant with Madalynn by telling him to stop wearing boxers. Tony had already been poisoning me at this time. My father wanted me to marry Tony and stay with Tony because my father had been plotting with Tony in killing me for life insurance money. He was also trying to keep me from going to Las Vegas and living with my mother and doing art. He  and said every derogatory thing he could about her and Las Vegas, and living there including that it was not a place for me to be. He claimed that he had concerns about me becoming an addict, and addictions because alcohol is so prevalent in Las Vegas, but really he just wanted to keep me prisoner to him and the other who were poisoning me allegedly for money and partly from envy and in their minds some sort of “revenge”.

My father claimed that in many cases the “revenge” was literally “made up” in the peoples minds so that they could justify how they were treating me, the administration of the poisons and abuse, including gas lighting, as well as the hatefulness in which the were breeding with their lies. He claimed that they were doing this to justify their actions in their own minds. What they were doing to me and that the real reason was greed. My father claimed in some cases it was greed, in some my talents, and in some my brains and being pretty were the real reasons which equated to envy.

I honestly believe that what he said to me about “everyone else’s” reasons for hurting me are actually his reasons for his actions toward me. It is as though, those who have taken part have brain-washed themselves with flat out lies in an attempt to justify their actions and inaction. How a person can lie to themselves to that extent is mind-boggling to me. There is no justification for murder or poisoning someone, there is no justification for drugging someone, there is never any justification or right reason for doing anything of that nature. It is hateful, mean-spirited, morally wrong, and illegal and no matter what the substance is can be considered conspiracy and attempted murder.

I had no clue that my father and Cathy and Wesley had set Tony and I up. I had no clue that I was being poisoned, I had told Dan Garret that I was aware my dad was a serial killer and I honestly, don’t know why I even said that at the time because I don’t think I had a clue that he was. If I did know it wasn’t part of my every day working memory but perhaps locked inside my subconscious. I didn’t know any of this until my father told me on the phone and then he purposefully traumatized me during the call to purposefully cause me to suffer another bout of amnesia and it has taken me a very long time to recover the memories of what was said as a result. My father and Ed Malik have done this to me repeatedly. My father has a technique in which he has continued to use as a tool to cause me to be confused and slow me down or prevent me from moving forward with my life.

In those conversations my father made it clear to me that both Tony and Ed had been set-ups from the start, that Ed’s wanting to marry me and have more children was set up to keep me tied to him so that he could finish the Job that Tony was doing for my father in poisoning me for life insurance. However, from what I was told it had not started out that way in the beginning Ed was supposed to be keeping me safe from Tony but then he turned on me and it didn’t take him long to do so.

I did not know about any of what was planned, pre-planned, or supposed to happen or going to happen.

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